TV star Ben Fogle has heartbreakingly shared how the loss of his stillborn son led to a mental health breakdown.
The broadcaster, 51, admitted he turned into a “control freak” after the death of son Willem in 2014. He believes the grief is eventually what led to his breakdown, that left him with suicidal thoughts. Ben’s wife Marina was rushed to hospital in Austria where she delivered their stillborn son at 33 weeks.
At the time, Ben was in Canada, miles away from his wife. The couple have sadly had a miscarriage in 2008 before the birth of their son Ludo, 15, and daughter Iona, 14. Ben has spoke out on the devastating loss of Williem as he confessed Marina was “very raw” with her emotions while he “kept them within”.
Speaking of his emotions, Ben said: “Mine were much more measured, it doesn’t mean I felt it any less, but I probably kept them within, and one of the big things that happened to me was that I became obsessed about control, because I’d lost control there. I was actually in Canada when it happened, and I had to take a flight to get back.”
“I didn’t know if my wife was going to survive. It was like one of the periods in my life, I’ve had a few, when I had lost all control,” he told The Sun. Last year, Ben shared his experience with anxiety and paranoia, and revealed he had been undergoing a regimented course of therapy and medication to get his mental health under control.
“A year ago I suffered a mental health wobble. An episode. A storm. A blip. I don’t know if there is a specific term for it but it was basically a burnt out, breakdown,” he began his emotional post on Instagram. I’ve been on quite a journey since. I’ve learnt a lot about my neurological uniqueness.
“And I’ve navigated the storm. Through a mix of CBT, medicine, and now some alternative therapies I feel like my old self,” Ben explained, adding that he had managed to say goodbye to the “crippling paranoia and anxiety”. “I’m telling you this firstly because I believe as someone who shares my successes it’s important to also share our vulnerabilities.
“It is not to jump on some trend or for sympathy. It’s because if it happened to me, I can happen to you. But just like a broken bone or a pneumonia ravaged lung or even a flesh eating bug (all of which I have had). We can heal. They don’t define us or make us weak. They prove that we are human. Vulnerable to the pressures of modern life.
“A mental health trauma should not be a stigma but a reality check for the increasingly complicated world in which we live. What’s helped me is doing less and simplifying my life. Less social media. Less work Less pressure to be perfect The results are that I worry less. Stress less. Anger less Fixate less. Giving me more time has helped me back to reality. To being me. Exactly the same person I have always been. Simple. Love, peace and simplicity,” he concluded.
Ben, who was diagnosed with ADHD in the wake of the crisis, even shared how he once contemplated taking his own life after he had been on a night out at a “rural pub in the Cotswolds”. He thought suicide was his only option, which he now brands as “one of the scariest experiences of [his]life.”
If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death charity). You can call them on 0808 164 3332 or email [email protected]
If you’re struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email [email protected] or visit their site to find your local branch
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