AND then there were three. Almost. Waiting for the arrival of a third grandchild is more nerve-racking than the birth of my own gorgeous three kids.

It’s the momentary irrelevance, I suppose, a realisation that you’re reduced to a support act at best, relegated to the subs’ bench waiting for the manager to tell you to strip off and start cooing, pushing the pram and babysitting.

I will be on a train from London King’s Cross to Newcastle and hobnobbing at the University of Sunderland, constantly checking the phone for wafts of white smoke from my daughter’s hubby about the new grandson or granddaughter.

By the time you’ve read this, all will hopefully be well – and I’ve a cunning plan to ensure Little L and Canny C don’t feel squeezed out by the fresh addition.

I’ve bought them prezzies “from the sibling” to hand over when Granda Kev first visits to pay homage to baby Kevin or Kevina, names the parents might give the bairn (I admit it’s unlikely).

Granted, this is far from an original plan. I first deployed it when my daughter acquired a brother. Back then, I took her to Toys R Us and promised her anything she’d like. The pair of sparkly plastic shoes she chose cost less than a fiver. Job done.

Baby Kevin/Kevina didn’t exactly splash the cash but it’s the plan that counts and my rule is a toy needs to last only a month before boredom kicks in and the thing’s chucked in a corner anyway.

Little L’s interest in the remote-controlled car might survive longer than a month though I’m pretty sure the motor won’t, the battery contact points and recharger plug appearing as reliable as an Austin Allegro’s.

Our family didn’t own a car and so coveted the 1970s British Leyland model that regularly topped worst car surveys. Why did the Allegro have a heated rear window? To keep your hands warm while you were pushing it.

And as for Canny C’s toy, the barking dog may mysteriously disappear as soon as her mam’s back from hospital. The woof-woof won’t be the clincher, the wind-breaking noise will be. Fido’s days are numbered before I even deliver him.

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